So much has changed (McFly fanfic)
by GalacxyDefender
Summary: Ever wonder how different things would have been if Dougie had never got better? If his suicide attempt didn't fail? If he let the alcohol and the drugs completely take over to the point of no return? Tom, Danny and Harry go and visit Dougie's grave to say their final goodbye.


It had been a few weeks. At least, they thought it was. To Tom, Danny and Harry it felt like it was only yesterday they found their best friend in a fume-filled car, completely still, the image burnt into their minds permanently. Harry was the one who had pulled him from the fumes, hoping they still had time as Danny called for help as quickly as his fingers could dial, his hands shaking from fear as he told the ambulance Dougie's address, just hoping they'd get here quickly before it was too late. But it already was. The fumes had a filled his lungs beyond repair. He was gone. The feeling of emptiness hung over the three of them like a black cloud that just wasn't going to pass by, not for a long time anyway. The same question was repeated in their heads for the 100th time. Why? Why didn't he just talk to them? They could have helped him, tried to heal him as best as they could. It just seemed like a lot of unnecessary pain. Pain that could have been prevented by a simple phone call or cry for help. But that phone call never came. The cry for help was never heard. And now Dougie Poynter was 6 feet under at the young age of 24. Lost to suicide.

They continued to walk through the graveyard, the week's events playing in their minds. Telling the fans, ending McFly permanently, planning the funeral (which had just happened the day before) and just the whole grieving process in general. This whole situation wasn't easy on anyone. The fans took it hard. It was all just so… Unexpected. No one wanted it to all end this way.

They reached his headstone, their breaths catching in their throats at the sight of it again. They all looked at each other properly for the first time during the whole journey up here and nodded in a silent agreement of how they were gonna do this. Tom and Danny stood next to a nearby tree, just out of earshot but not out of sight, while Harry moved closer to the grave, kneeling down and sighing shakily, not really knowing where to start. He ran his hand through his hair as he held back his tears, just like he had been doing ever since they found Dougie. He didn't want to cry. Crying meant moving on and that's the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to believe any of this was true. He kept waiting for Dougie to walk through the door and throw himself down next to him and be his usual quirky self like nothing had happened, like none of this was true and was all just some twisted dream. This was the story Harry told himself to get through the day, at least. But the story just seemed to become less and less convincing as the days passed. He flashed a sad smile at the polished stone in front of him, whispering a quiet hello to his old friend. The only thing he could think to do was reminisce with him, remind himself of all the little happy stories they had. The "harmless flirting", the teasing, the little inside jokes they had. But even as he re-told these happier memories, there was still a deep sadness in his heart that wouldn't shift, not even for a second. Even though he had many stories to tell, it hurt to know he would never be able to create any new ones with him. He decided to remind Dougie of just how much he missed him. How much it hurt to know he would never see him again and how he couldn't help but blame himself for all of this. If only he'd gotten their sooner, acted quicker, stopped him from even considering suicide in the first place. Knowing he could have saved him but never did just killed him inside. He took another deep breath before standing up again, composing himself and nodding towards the grave and saying goodbye before walking back to Tom and Danny.

It was Danny's turn now. He didn't want to go next but Tom has specifically asked to go last. With slow steps, he moved to the spot Harry had just been in, gulping slightly as he just stared at the gravestone, reading the words engraved on it once more even though he could tell you what it said with his eyes closed. Like Harry, he didn't know what to say. I mean, what CAN you say in this situation other than goodbye? Even though that wasn't what he wanted to say either. Again, it was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn't really thinking or listening to what he was saying at all, he just let out what had been playing through his mind on repeat, asking him the questions he knew he'd never get the answers to. He just wanted to scream and shout and yell. He had a weird mixture of I hate you but I also love you going on. Hate because of what all this was putting himself and everyone else through and love because… Well, he loved him. To Danny, he'd lost his little brother, the sae going for Tom and Harry too. He sniffled and wiped his eyes quickly, trying his best to compose himself as he spoke, trying to make a joke out of it even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. Guess he thought it might have brightened up the situation a little bit. With the feeling of sickness in his stomach, Danny stood up and walked back towards the tree, staying silent as he looked at the floor.

Tom was the last one to go. He wanted to be last because he knew he wouldn't be able to make it through this without bursting into tears. He was actually surprised that he hadn't done it on the way up. Tom took it extremely hard. He just knew there was so much that could have been done to stop all this from happening and knowing that it could have all been solved and prevented so easily but it never was just hurt beyond explanation. Like Harry, he felt at fault. If he'd have just been there, if they'd ALL have been there, he'd still be here today. He would have gotten over his addiction, turned his life around and become so much more happier because of it. It was like they were just cruising down this road where things were going great for all of them! And then suddenly they crashed. Suddenly everything went dark. He knew nothing would ever be the same for them again because he knew that he would always feel the blame of Dougie's last breath lingering over him. He just know that the feeling of confusion and pain from all of this would last him, and everyone else who knew Dougie, a whole lifetime. He could feel the tears burning, just waiting to be released. He tried his best to power his way through his speech but he broke towards the end, the final goodbye. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob, shaking from being far to overwhelmed by everything. Danny and Harry ran over to him, Harry lifting him off the floor and pulling him into a hug, trying to console him as much as he could, but it was far from easy.

After a short moment, Harry decided to lead Tom back to the car. Staying here would only make him worse. As he lead him away, Danny stayed for a moment, just looking at the gravestone, a single tear falling down his cheek. Through a tearful whisper, his said his last goodbye before following his friends down the hill, leaving Dougie behind in silence.

"Goodbye, Butty. See ya' around".


End file.
